Persuasion

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The opaqueness in her eyes reminded me of the fragility of our relationship – the tightrope that we constantly walked. She was with me, and then she retreated into herself, in a place so deep that no matter how hard I tried, I could not reach out to her.

It was excruciatingly maddening. Only she could give me so much space that the space, screaming out for the want of possession and jealousy, stifled me. I wanted her to assert her right over me, to claim me for her own. But no – she was far too good for that. I could not fathom this goodness, it vexed me and it infuriated me. There were times when I got an overwhelming physical urge to clasp her and just shake her until she would either come out of her inner world and live in mine or let me into hers.

She smiled that beautiful, heart-warming smile of hers when she saw me that day. I had to be with someone I loved a little less and I hated a lot less. I told her this, and I felt that I caught a fleeting glimpse of pain in her eyes before the curtain fell. How could she be so calm, so self- controlled when I felt as if my head would explode with the weight of emotions too difficult to comprehend or to express?

I live and I breathe anger. I still love her, and I hate her all the more for it. I hate her for the revenge she has exacted upon me. 

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